fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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