I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
