Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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