The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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