Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
