sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
the condom got lost in my hair
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
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Sober January is a disaster.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
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Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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