and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Tornado booty call.. dedication
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
