you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
