I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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