cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
