YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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