you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
