The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
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He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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