Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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