Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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