you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize