So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
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I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
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Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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