my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
