I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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