and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
