Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
