The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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