Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
