I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
