she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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