WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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