you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize