I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
