one might say we're banned from that church
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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