The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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