Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Randomize
