and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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