We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She's the barista slut.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
