she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
