i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
