sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
