considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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