She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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