Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
