so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Randomize
