Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
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Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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