I just pynch a tree in the face
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
there is puke in my bra ... again
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