Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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