Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize