Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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