Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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