Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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