dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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