I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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