my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
