One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
