1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
