He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
