my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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