are you so shy because you have an std?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize