I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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