god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
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I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
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Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.