nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat