they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted