I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA