yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
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You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
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I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment