I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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