I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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