It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
