And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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