somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
