i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
